Flower
by ranzatsunoame
Summary: My very first fanfic. Several hundred years have passed since the Earl was defeated. Today Lavi was the only exorcist who survived and keep living with a curse from the white haired boy who used to be his lover. Read warning and full summary inside.
1. Prologue

**- - -**

_**Flower**_

**- - -**

**Summary: Several hundred years have passed since the Earl was defeated. Today Lavi was the only exorcist who survived and lives as a Noah together with Road and Tyki. But then he met a girl who share the same face and scar as the white haired boy that used to be his lover…**

**Disclaimer: If it's mine then why would I write a fanfic in the first place?? Geez. Remember that I'll only put the damn disclaimer here for once. I'm not going to repeat it in the next chapter, folks.**

**Rating: T but maybe it will become M later. This is just a prologue so there's nothing to worry in this chappie.  
**

**WARNING: GIRL!ALLEN. This is unbeta-ed plus English isn't my native language, so there will be loads of grammatical error, misspell, typos, etc. Bear with me. And maybe there's some shounen-ai between the past Lavi and the past Allen. You have been warned! Please press the back button now if you feel offended.**

**Enjoy!**

**- - -**

_**Prologue**_

_- - -_

**I know a Bookman wasn't supposed to love.**

"No! Allen, stop! Don't do this, please! I..." I screamed at the top of my lungs.

**I know that a sacrifice has to be made in order to win this war.**

"Please, Allen!" Tears flowed freely from my eye.

_But he didn't stop walking._

_And I hate him for that._

- - -

**A Bookman wasn't supposed to feel emotion. They don't interfere nor care about what happened to their surrounding. **

**They existed merely to record history.**

**When my parents died in war, I gave up my name and become an apprentice of Bookman.**

**I started to live in lies.**

**Deceiving everyone.**

**Deceiving myself.**

**Fake name, fake personality, fake smile… **

**In the end, it's all just a tragedy that I have to play in order to complete my role as a Bookman.**

**A pathetic being.**

But then you came to my life.

_You accept me the way I am._

You make me live.

_You allow_ 'me'_ to exist._

But the most important is…

_You allow me to _love_._

**A Bookman doesn't need a heart, and when I walk in the path to become a Bookman, I gave up everything I have. My heart, my emotions…**

**But your smile brought back everything that I tried to erase with all of my strength. **

**You are a reminder of my humanity. A reminder that I am a human too, who feels emotion and love.**

"Lavi, please continue on living for my sake as well, would you?"

_That time when he said that to me, his voice was trembling a little. His grey eyes looking directly into my green one's and then he… smiled to me. While his tears continuously pouring from his eyes. _

_It was too sad. So sad that I couldn't take it and ended up broken in tears as well._

_It feels like my heart was being ripped into pieces._

_It hurt so much that the lake inside my heart was starting to freeze again._

**Just like when I become a Bookman.**

…and all the hard work he have done to me… to make me a _human _again was… futile…

_**It's cruel.**_

_It's just too cruel thing to ask. _

_He knows very well that I can't live without him, yet he want me to live even though he know very well that he was going to die._

_**It's just too cruel…**_

"It's okay, Lavi. I made this choice myself. You _have_ to trust me. Please don't cry…smile for me, Lavi." he embraces me tight, his small body pressing against my broad one.

**Sharing each other's warmth. Seeking comfort from each other.**

"No, it's not okay at all!" I yelled at him.

_Is it wrong for me to want him here, together with me forever?_

_I love him so much that I don't want to lose him… even if it was for God's or everyone else's sake… even if his death was essential in order to save humankind… then let humankind be doomed._

_As long as he stayed here by my side…_

**I don't want to lose him.**

He smiled at me. Tears keep flowing down to those pale cheeks.

"I know I'm cruel, Lavi… but I want you to live. Please…for me…"

**He's barely sixteen and I'm only eighteen.**

**Yet we bear this sorrowful fate and a burden of responsibilities on our shoulders.**

**Why do we have to fight? **

**Why do we have an Innocence? **

**Why did God write this pitiful script of war in the first place? **

**And why…**

**Why did he have to die…?**

**So much questions, but in the end… it all remained unanswered.**

- - -

Prologue -End-

- - -


	2. A Nightmare and an Accidental Meeting

**- - -**

**Flower**

**- - -**

**Rating: T but maybe it will become M later.**

**WARNING: GIRL!ALLEN. This is unbeta-ed plus English isn't my native language, so there will be loads of grammatical error, misspell, typos, etc. And maybe some shounen-ai between the past Lavi and the past Allen. You have been warned! Please press the back button now if you feel offended.**

**Enjoy!**

**- - -**

**The First Petal: A Nightmare and an Accidental Meeting**

_**- - -**_

It was a warm night. The moon was illuminating the onyx curtain of sky and the wind blows nicely to my back. I was sitting alone in the sandy shore, waiting for morning to come.

"Lavi?"

I turned around when a voice called me from the distance. A tall man and a scrawny little girl smiled as they walk slowly towards me.

"Tyki… Road… what's wrong?"

"It's late; you still want to stay here?" Road asked, she wrap her small arms around my waist and hug me tightly from behind. I look up and watch the open sky. The stars shine beautifully and the moon looks so big. The night wind breezed gently against my body, as if it wants to sing a lullaby for me.

I sighed and Tyki walks to my side. He sat beside me and gaze at the calmly waving seawater. I stroke Road's violet hair tenderly with my right hand as the three of us silently watch the sea from the seashore. I closed my eyes and turn to face Tyki and Road. "The wind's nice here. You guys can go home now if you want." I smiled, "I'll go home later."

Tyki stared at me for a while before he stood up and walk toward a door that I recognize as Road's power. "Road, come on." He says.

I see Road pout a little bit but then she nodded and places a chaste kiss on my cheek. She grins and hopped to Tyki's shoulder. "Bye-bye!" she waved and Tyki smiled at me before they gone to the door. As soon as the door was closed, it crumbled into sands and disappeared to thin air.

I watched into the door used to be direction for a while to make sure they're completely gone from this area.

"*sigh*…Allen… why hasn't you come back to me…?"

I hug my knees to my chest and bury my face in it. Today is 25th December. It's a wonderful day because it was the day he met Mana, and it was a wonderful day too because it was his birthday. But at the same time it was a horrible day that I wish to forget because… it was the day he died.

I tried to believe his last words. That he will come back to me someday. So I keep waiting and waiting for his return. But it's been more than two hundred years since the day he died, while here I am stuck in an immortal eighteen years old body. I can still remember it clearly the day he gave me this curse. It was painful. At least for me, for our comrades, and for him.

That night his silver eyes were trembling. All I could do was screamed at him, trying to keep his consciousness as long as possible. Bruises and cuts were embellishing his body, and I can clearly see a pool of blood quickly forming from the wound on his chest and stomach. The one he had sustained during that deadly battle with the Earl.

"No…Allen-kun…!" Lenalee was crying loudly while Yuu was just standing beside him, looking more upset than usual, and I know I saw tears in his cobalt eyes, even though he refuses to let it fall. We all knew that his wounds were too grave and that he cannot live much longer. Tears dripping from my single emerald orb as he caress my cheek gently with his trembling hand. It hurt so much seeing him like this. My chest was burned with anger, despair, and guilt. I don't want to lose him.

"_Don't die."_

"_Please live…"_

"_Open your eyes…"_

"_Don't give up, Allen…!"_

But he can no longer hear my voice. All he could do was waiting for his _time_ to come.

I began to cry again as he smiled at us. It wavers a little, but he managed to keep it strong in place. His smile was warm. And that's what makes me heartbroken even more. He always tries to stay strong for everyone else's sake, even at the brink of death.

"Lavi…" the voice was weak and barely loud enough for me to hear, even so I snapped my head up and face him. "The Earl… is he dead…?" he continued. I smiled and grip his hand tightly.

"Yeah. He's gone for good, Allen. You did a great job… now you don't have to worry about all of this anymore… rest. You have a lot of wound… it'll heal if you rest." I croak a little. My voice was hoarse and heavy, and it taste salty, considering how much I cried that day.

I heard he let out a shaky breath and I tightened my grip on his palm, because I know what will he say, and I really don't want to hear it.

"Lavi…I can't live forever in this world you know…" he said, but I cut him before he could finish it. "Maybe this is the right time for me to go—"

"NO, DON'T YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT!"

I felt tears trickles from my eye. He widened his eyes a little, shocked by my raised voice. But then he frowned at me with eyes red from tears. And, oh _God_, if it wasn't the most painful thing I've ever saw in my life. _I make him cry at his very last minutes_.

"B-because I want to protect everyone at the Black Order… Lenalee… Kanda too… " He paused and shut his eyes. "I want to save the world… but on top of that, I want to protect you… is it wrong… to do so…?"

I was silenced for a moment. Who can be so selfless like him…?

"You fool…" I laughed humorlessly and he opened his eyes once again. "You don't have to sacrifice yourself if you want to protect us…" I flash a pained smile to him.

"Even if you succeeded to protect us by giving your live away…" I paused and look at his eyes. Pain clearly visible in my eye judging by his tearful eyes as he stare at me in the eye. "Do you think we will be happy mourning over your death like this…?"

"No… no I don't—"

"You make me cry. You make Lenalee cry. You even make a Kanda cry!" I shout.

"I'm not crying, BakaUsagi!" I heard Yuu retorded loudly, but with a sniffle. Usually I'd laugh out loud, but I can't right now. Not when the most important person in my life was dying in front of my eye.

"Do you think we'll be happy…? Allen…!" I sob a little. He cried. And my heart was throbbing, it hurts. It pained me seeing him like this. Tears silently flowing to my cheeks, and I was sobbing pathetically in front of him.

"No… I-I'm sorry, Lav—" before he finished his sentence, I kissed him. A kiss for the last time. Just once again, before the end. I thought it would be sweet like all of his kisses before, but this time it taste clearly like blood. And it hurt me even more, because it reminds me of the fact that I refused to believe so badly.

_He was going to die._

"Please don't tell me to smile… please… don't leave us… please don't…" His tears were falling as I sob harder. I grip his hand tighter and gaze at his cloudy eyes directly. "Don't leave me alone… Allen…!" I shouted. Lenalee was sobbing out loud too, muttering the same words as I am, and finally Kanda drop his tears.

"I'm sorry…" he sobbed, "Even if you've all… been… great friends… for me… all I can do to return your kindness was… make you cry like this…" he said with an agonizing tear-streaked face. He clenched his eyes shut and his voice was getting slower and softer. "I'm sorry… I don't… I'm not aware of your feelings… I hurt you all… so sorry…"

"No… no… don't give up… Allen. Allen! Look at me… please…! …please…"

He raised his arm to my face and cupped my cheek gently. His entire arm was shaking and with a little trouble he erased my tears from the edge of my eye with his thumb. "I'm sorry… our last time ended up with some bickering and shouting and… tears…" He smiled to me through that waterfall of tears that pouring from his eyes, with his breath ragged from speaking too much with all of those wounds on his body.

"No, Allen… Allen… I love you…! I didn't mean to shout to you… I didn't mean to make you cry… I want you to live, please… I can't let you die… not without me… please don't give up…"

"Do you remember your promise to me, Lavi?"

I widened my eyes for a moment but then I cried in silent as I cast my head down.

"Your'e cruel, Allen…" I said with a bitter laugh, and he just smiled. "I know." he said as I faced him with a forced smile on my face, but in the end it turns out as a grimace. He shed a tear when he saw my _smile_, and then his hand goes slack. I screamed his name as he slowly close his eyelids. "Allen… Allen, no… no don't do this to me…"

"Lavi… I'm sorry…" Tears pouring down from his closed eyes. "Someday I'll come back to you…" He said for the last time before his body gradually turned to dust. He opened his eyes once again and blinked some tears off his eyes. And all I could do was wiping his tears with my thumb while trying to keep my smile in place, even if my face was streaked in tears, at least I want him to see that I will give my best effort to keep my promise to him.

"_Please smile for me, even if it's hard to."_

- - -

After he was gone, we—Lenalee, Yuu, and I—blow the remnants of his dust to a sea nearby.

The long war has ended. Now we, exorcist, are free to go back home and lead a new life as a normal person. With no akuma or an Earl to kill, we can live with our dearest in peace.

Everyone was coming back to their homeland. Lenalee, Komui, Kanda, Miranda, Krory, Cross and everyone else. They're all welcoming this new world happily.

But look at me. The Old Panda was gone in the final war, he's gone too because acting foolishly sacrificing his life to protect us, resulting I no longer have any home to welcome me back.

After all, home is where our heart is, isn't it? And my heart was already dead together with him. So practically I have no home to come back.

So I began to travel, recording history on my own way. Sometimes I visited Mana's grave in London, talking to him about his son, but since talking about him always make my tears flooded, so I don't visit him too often.

I was starting to get used to that kind of life. Traveling around, never stays at one place for too long. Get money by working at a random place, making some new friends, just live peacefully like that… I'm quite happy, even though traveling alone is lonely, but… I'm grateful.

But then something happened to me several months after his death.

It all begins with my bleeding forehead and a seething pain that spreading through my body. Being a Bookman, I try to analyze the situations and I recall something: my promise, his death, and I realize what's happening to me.

He implanted the Fourteenth into me.

- - -

"_Waa—wait! Stop it, please!"_

I woke up with a start. It was a voice of a woman that wakes me up. I rub my hair and stood up from the uncomfortable position I was in.

_I wonder… when did I fell asleep…?_

I glance at my wristwatch. It was 9 AM. Guess it's time to go home. Tyki and Road must be worried about me. After all, they're my only family.

I dusted off my pants and, there, I hear that voice again.

"P-please, stop this at once!" she said. A teenage girl was bullied by a group of little elementary school kid. I wonder why she cannot shoo them herself, but this was not the right time to wondering something like that.

As I step into the battlefield, one of the kids gripped a scissor and cut the girl's hair with that. I feel rage foaming inside my chest and I cannot help myself but shout at them.

"You. Stop this at once or I'll make you stop myself." I said threateningly as I grip the hand that gripped the scissor that cut her hair. The look on my face seems to petrified in their track, not that I care, actually. I grin sadistically as they screaming bloody murder and run to their mommies. I sighed in victory and look at the victim girl after I saw the boys escaping from their demise. She was kneeling in the sand because one of the boys pushes her there, her arms held her head protectively and she was shaking slightly. Probably because the shock of losing her hair. I know how much hair means to girls.

I offer my hand to her, but she ignored it and keep looking down to her thigh. "Are you okay, Miss?" I asked, a bit worried about her. She startled, snapped her head up. I cannot see her face because of the messy works of those boys on her hair, but it was a beautiful wavy brown and she was wearing a black nightgown. She wails her arms in the air and stopped as she found my hand.

"Sorry and thanks for helping me…" she said while she stood up to her toes. She began to tidy her hair but she kept her face down, like she was afraid to show me something.

"Does this happen often?" I asked.

"Pardon?" she replied, now dusting off her clothes. "I said, does this happen often to you? I mean the bullying."

She smiled. "Not too often. Just once in a while. Those kids never saw a blind person before. Maybe they thought that blind people are a freak or something. I cannot blame them. They're practically not normal right? Especially the one who has a strange scar on their face."

_Oh, she's blind. No wonder she cannot shoo them or ignoring my hand before_, I thought to myself. "Scar? Did you lose your sight and get this scar in an accident or something?" I asked while my eye was wandering to the sea.

"Yes. Two years ago in Spain. I lost my father in that accident too." She said, the smile still plastered to her face but I know that smile was fake, and this makes my chest throbbing.

_She lost someone precious too, just like me._

I cast my eye down in guilt. "I'm sorry for being so insensitive about your feelings. I shouldn't have asked that." I said.

"No, no. it's alright, sir, really!" She waves her hands in front of her face. A genuine smile formed on her lips. I smiled even though she cannot see it, "What's your name, anyway? I'm Lavi."

She tilted her face up and faces me. I widened my eye, so wide I think it's gonna jumped out from my head.

"It's Allen. Allen Walker. Pleased to be your acquaintance, sir Lavi."

_God was definitely toying with my life._

**- - -**

**The First Petal – End**

**- - -**

**Whew! Finally I'm done with the First Petal! Now I want to tell you why I made Allen a girl in here, it's because you won't have the same appearance as your past life if you are reincarnated. So I turn him into a girl and make her hair colored brown. Just like his hair when he was little!**

**I really need to know what do you think about this story or my writing style. Drop me a review if you want to. I'm completely new in here! This is my very first attempt on writing a story, and I need any form of support and help so I can improve my writing skill! Constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated, and thanks for anyone who read the last chapter and for anyone who reviewed!**

**Thank you for reading!**


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